If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
