Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
