i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
