You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
A+ Viking dick
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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