just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
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