Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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