bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
