Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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