Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
