Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Randomize
