Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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