On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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