We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
