did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
