i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
