I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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