How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Who put my cat in the fridge?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
