you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
