its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
