They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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