Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
