eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
