My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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