girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
In other news, I just burned my penis
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
