So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
