i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I love having hate sex.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
