Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I think I am morally bankrupt
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
