he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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