she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
