Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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