i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
