Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Randomize
