I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
