Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Randomize
