omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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