I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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