What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
