after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
