I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
