Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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