Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
