the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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