May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
