i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
My ATM looks so different sober.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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