Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
