I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
