my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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