it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
