My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
