I can tuck mytits in my pants
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm having to shit out rocks
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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