he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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