Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
